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	APRIL '11 ARCHIVES 11:16 PM 4/2/2011 dear asshole who stole my wallet right out of my purse that was sitting on my desk while i was at a lunch meeting in a conference room, thanks, you jerk. thanks for waltzing into EY's supposedly secure office and opening up my purse to jack my wallet in broad daylight while my coworkers and i were all away from our desks. thanks for using ALL FIVE OF MY CREDIT CARDS at various gas stations in maryland within a 15 minute time span. thanks for taking my metro pass too - it's okay, i didn't need to get around town anyways. thanks for stealing my membership card to my local nail salon - i was only $15 away from a free manicure, you asshole, and you don't even want to know how long it took me to work up to that. thanks for taking my CA driver's license - you knew i didn't apply for a VA one right yet, right? and you know that i had to fly out to chicago yesterday morning so i had to use my passport instead, like a giant loser, right? thanks. thanks a lot. thanks for taking the 10 euro i still had from my italy trip. and most of all, thanks for jacking the $630 louis vuitton wallet my boyfriend bought me last year. that part pisses me off the most. i don't care about the credit cards, and i'll get over the license and nail salon card, but GODDAMN YOU FOR TAKING MY WALLET. you MOTHERF***R. i hope you enjoy it. i hope you take the money you get from ebaying it for $200 and you hire a prostitute with it and she gives you syphilis and your dick literally rots off. i hope the bad karma you generated from swiping something that did not belong to you haunts you EVERY FREAKING DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR SORRY, MISERABLE AND PATHETIC LITTLE LIFE. i hope all the stolen gas you bought with my debit card somehow causes your car to explode and results in an excruciatingly painful and fiery death. and last but not least, i hope to god that you yourself get jacked one day, only i hope it's a bajillion times worse than what you took from me. but a scumbag like you probably doesn't have much sht to begin with, so i guess it's pointless to hope for that. so i hope your legs get run over by a train instead and the rest of your body gets eaten alive by sewer rats. SLOWLY. I WILL KARATE CHOP YOU TO DEATH. okay, i am a little calmer now. i have serious problems with people who steal things. the fact that some people think it's acceptable to take things that they didn't earn just infuriates me. i think it's the sense of entitlement that kills me. like somehow YOU deserve OTHER people's stuff. you know what you deserve? you deserve to be stabbed in the eye. okay, maybe i'm not a little calmer. must practice deep breathing exercises now.... on a brigher note, i caught the cherry blossoms a few days ago and it was absolutely stunning. in fact, it almost took away my bitterness (i said almost). the FDR memorial near the tidal basis is probably my new favorite spot of DC. my parents flew in on wed night and i took them around to see some of the sights. i ditched them momentarily to go to chicago for a day, and got to see wrigley field (brrrr!) with jack and his friends, which was very cool. flew back earlier tonight (i literally spent less than 36 hours there, ugh) and now i'm back in my apartment in VA. tomorrow we are off to mount vernon. work is going to kick my ass like no other when i get back on monday or tuesday and i am dreading it so much that i am very, very tempted to just up and quit. of course then i have the problem of meeting my rent payments so i will need all you guys out there in cyberland to send me everything in your bank account, stat. help a girl out, won't you? i mean, come on, i just got jacked. take pity on me. all right, no more whining. it's time to go to bed so i can dream up of more ways to exact revenge. adios, kids. xoxoxo. p.s. a special thank you goes to the cop who wrote up the report as loss of property instead of theft because of sheer laziness/political crap/whatever. that really sucks. and thanks for also telling me to call social security and have them "red flag" my account - i tried doing that and social security was like, "what??? the police told you we could do WHAT??? um, they're wrong." nice. I WANT MY TAX DOLLARS BACK. 11:31 PM 4/18/2011 HAPPY APRIL 18TH TO MEEEEEEEEEE! and to you too, i guess. i finally sent off my VA return on saturday, along with a check made out to the state for about five times more than my current net worth. and that's counting bags and shoes as assets on my balance sheet. stupid EY didn't change my withholding from CA to VA when i moved last year and stupid me didn't really pay close enough attention to catch it (oops), so as a result, i was severely overpaid in CA and severely underpaid in VA. haha. when it comes time to write my own penalty abatement letter, i will try to leave out the fact that i am a CPA working in TAX CONSULTING for a BIG FOUR ACCOUNTING FIRM. jesus. how pathetic that i can't even get my own crap straightened out. anyways, i apologize for being MIA recently. i have a new wallet now and replacement credit cards and am now working on getting my VA's driver license. it's kind of a pain in the ass without a CA license to trade in (thanks again, scumbag) so i am keeping my fingers crossed that i don't get pulled over anytime soon. great, i just jinxed myself. i guess we'll see if i can outrun the cops in my 3 series. watch for me in the headlines. "EY EMPLOYEE THINKS SHE'S ABOVE TAX LIABILITIES AND THE LAW." i'm trying to think of something amusing to report on but unfortunately, i'm failing miserably. so instead i will leave you with pictures of a card that keri sent me last week: the front of the card - she's a potato, geniuses... ...and the inside. HAHAHAHA. okay, i'm off to bed. adios, mi amors. update more next week. idaho? NO! U DA HO!