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JUNE '08 ARCHIVES 9:05 PM 6/1/2008okay, so apparently some of you guys weren't too thrilled with my jodie foster/gun violence rant from last week. i see how it is. you just come here to read about mindless fluff. FINE, YOU WIN, HERE COMES YOUR MINDLESS FLUFF. but tune in next week to hear my thoughts about affirmative action in the workplace. haha. so...i caught sex and the city: the movie last night, and i have two things to say: 1. the clothes were gorgeous. some of the bags were okay (although some were just plain ugly. cough LV cough). but the shoes?? OMG. TO DIE FOR. 2. anybody who can sit through the entire movie without crying at least ten times has a heart of stone. not that i am calling anybody out, LYNN SHIMOHARA. needless to say, i thought SATC was fabulous. sure, it's not oscar-winning material, but just seeing the girls' outfits was well worth the price of a movie ticket. when big showed carrie her new walk in closet, literally every female sitting in the theater (as well as a couple gay dudes) gasped. i almost passed out. there were also several touching/funny parts, including the hilarious line charlotte delivered to big that totally reminded me of the only time i ever saw eunice lose her temper in college (ask her about it - it involves her shrieking "YOU ARE AN UNBELIEVABLE ASS!!!!!!!!" to an ex of mine). i've said it before and i'll say it again - i don't know how some girls make it through life without having some really good girlfriends. after all, who else would be willing to tell you how big your butt is getting and then bring you a gigantic donut the next morning for breakfast? wayne, put your hand down. weirdo. on a more negative note, the one bad thing about the movie was that it made me realize how cruddy my own wardrobe is. i read an article in the LA times about all these chicks seriously dressing up to see the movie, stilettos and all. i didn't even bother because i knew nothing in my closet would compare (i went in a ucla sweatshirt and running shoes, horror of all horrors). BUT, today i went to neiman marcus and bought a pair of black-sequined louboutins. they were $450 off (and they still ended up costing more than one month's rent when we were in college). i won't say what i paid for them because it's rather embarrassing, but uh, let's just hope i'll get invited to a ton of black tie affairs this year so i can wear the shoes and get my money's worth. good thing i'm not married yet because my husband would probably divorce me on the spot for blowing our kid's college tuition on frivolous things. well, i guess that's it. how sad, the highlight of my weekend was a pair of shoes. a pair of really really hot shoes. i suppose it could be worse - i could be gushing about a pair of my sister's boring loafers from nine west. as usual, i blame the spending on work. one day when i'm stuck at the office after midnight i will think about my new stilettos and smile and somehow find the strength to not hurl myself off the EY building. haha. and now that i'm done with the superficial crap (see, you asked, i delivered), i gotta work - later, kids. be good and have a fantastic week!  9:02 PM 6/8/2008 hi. so, i'm sitting in a starbucks at manhattan beach, and while i would normally complain about how it sorta sucks to work on a sunday, i have to admit that there are much worse places to be than outdoors on a sunny but breezy day, facing the pacific ocean. like the office, for instance. or anywhere in the valley (no offense to any of my readers who live there. you know it's true through). i went to an executive women's event sponsored by EY wednesday night - the event was held at the luxe hote on sunset, which was totally overpriced, in my opinion. $390 a night for all attitude, no substance. picture me doing the overrated clap and cheer RIGHT NOW (if you don't know what that is, ask me in person and i'll do it for you). thursday's all-day event was at the skirball center - the place was crammed full of female overachievers and motivational speakers. it was both depressing and encouraging at the same time. but i won't get into that here. i decided to make a brief detour into westwood and beverly hills on the way home, and the visit itself brought back so many good memories.....until i nearly went crazy from sitting on the 405 for an hour and a half, trying not to pee in my pants and getting crankier with every passing second. stupid @#%!*&@# 405. i was going so slow i swear i was actually going backwards at times. "huh, now i'm in valencia.....weird." anyway, the main highlight of my weekend was EY's annual disneyland party. it was a perfect visit: nice weather, relatively fast lines, good food, FREE ICE CREAM and fantastic fireworks. i don't even think we had any bratty kid encounters, which is nothing short of amazing. also, lynn and i ended up looking like dumbass twins or matching lesbian lovers (take your pick) with the same T-shirts and identical hats. rather than go into the details, i'll just attach pictures.  wearing our requisite white E&Y shirts. not very practical if you're gonna ride splash mountain, btw (unless you are a regular particpant of wet t-shirt contests).  us at the front. me and lynn are rocking the lululemon fat pants. haha.  sleeping goats at the petting zoo. so cute!!  $50 hats. ridiculous! that's like, 16 churros.   donny and lynn going super fast. i wanted to throw up from just looking at them.  resting outside of the tiki room.  fake running from the fake rock.  for some reason, this picture makes me laugh.  how NOT to look cool in 3d glasses - lesson #1.  uh, lesson #2.  we all look a little slow here. p.s. hans, in my defense, i haven't spent an entire luxury car's worth on my shoes or bags...yet. but what's the point in having to save up for a new porsche when you're obligated to buy it for me in a few years after you make your first couple million?? A PROMISE IS A PROMISE. p.p.s. did you guys know that the submarine ride at disneyland doesn't actually descend deeper into the water?? I HAD NO IDEA (until this weekend). apparently it's totally obvious to anybody over the age of three. everybody laughed at me because i was so shocked. then they tried to indulge me by telling me to "look at the bubbles; see, we really are going down after all!" which was just plain condescending and heartless. well, i guess it's official: the last of my childhood dreams was hopelessly shattered yesterday afternoon at approximately 12:15pm. oh, here come the tears again. gotta go! 4:52 PM 6/15/2008 man, what a week! every day seemed like friday the 13th. on a funny note, five different guys at starbucks mispelled my name in five different ways on five different days. i think it was something like conie, konny, conny, kanny and tawny (my personal favorite). some of my coworkers insisted that it was done intentionally but i just can't imagine the entire store being in on the joke. apparently "connie" is just really, really hard to spell. weird. anyways, i went into the office starbucks before work yesterday and they managed to get it right, for once. i was actually disappointed because i was kinda looking forward to a new bizarre iteration. they can't be running out of ways to misspell it already - i mean, there's always "cahnee." or "khaneee." lastly, i went to get my hair cut and colored yesterday in west hollywood and i will never, EVER repeat that mistake again. EVER. first of all, it took me about ten years to drive there. i was 20 minutes late. STUPID WESTSIDE TRAFFIC, WHEN WILL I LEARN!? the owner of the salon who chopped off my hair was supposed to be this fancy schmancy famous stylist to all the stars but i was less than impressed. it looks like somebody hacked at my hair in an attempt to transform me into a metrosexual japanese dude....and that's being generous. when i first sat down in his chair, he stared at me for a good five minutes and then said he was envisioning a shorter, sexier cut on me. i guess the alarms should have been going off right around then because i had just told him i was an accountant (CPA + sexy = SO not gonna happen). when in doubt, just give me an accountant haircut, dammit - what's so hard about putting a bowl on my head and cutting around it?!!? also, the entire salon was filled with yuppie potheads (including the owner cutting my hair). and yes, for the record, i have a problem with yuppie potheads. is it so wrong of me to expect a guy to NOT be stoned when he's waving a pair of scissors around my head? i knew i was pretty much screwed when he started going on a rant about why it's so important to LEGALIZE MARIJUANA NOW!!!! on a side note, one time in college i cut keri's hair, and while it turned out to be a god-awful mess (haha, sorry man), it still wasn't as bad as what this guy did to me. sigh. anyway, i headed to work afterwards to show yumi, who tried to be nice about it at first: "well, it's not that bad, just looks kinda like you rolled out of bed!" i nailed her with the Look of Death and she shut up about it pretty quickly. now i have it pulled back into a ponytail and the shorter layers keep falling into my eyes - somebody hand me the clippers so i can pull a britney and start fresh. don't be surprised to see me in a baseball cap for the next couple of months. i'd go back to my regular salon to get it fixed but it's just too soon - you can't go crawling back to the one you cheated on the day after your new fling dumps your ass. i suppose ugly man-hair is the punishment i get for being unfaithful. all right, i guess that's it. bad week. bad hair. bad gas prices. bad update. sorry! i promise to write about something more positive next week. like obama winning the democratic nomination. NO, DAMMIT, that's bad too. AUGH!! have a great weekend, kids. and happy father's day to all you dads out there. i love my dad - he's the awesomest dad ever. i came home friday a complete wreck and saw that he had built me a custom shoe rack in the garage. i was so surprised/happy i nearly had a heart attack. all my heels were stacked neatly on the shelves, with empty spots on the bottom for the five hundred new pairs i'm gonna buy next week at the neiman marcus sale. he didn't even throw out any old ones like he's been threatening to for the past three years. BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!! 9:34 PM 6/22/2008 okay, so i've been delinquent in my updating again. but it's not my fault - this stupid heat wave nearly melted my laptop. i'm not exaggerating. i left the computer running at home on saturday morning and came back a few hours later to discover that it had shut itself off because it was overheating. i actually feel pretty guilty about it, like one of those awful pet owners who leaves his/her poor dog locked in the car when it's ninety degrees out. um, i did NOT just compare my laptop to a dog, pretend you didn't read that. anyways, since my previous post was so negative, i decided to write about only happy things today. this just might be the shortest post in history. haha. here goes. 1. the greatest thing about having to suffer through super hot weather is how it allows you to justify any insane amount of ice cream consumption. i've probably downed at least five gallons in the past 72 hours. the calories don't count when it's a matter of survival, people. 2. the greatest thing about NOT having A/C at home? SHOPPING. sure, it might be cheaper to actually install a portable AC unit in my room instead of spending an obscene amount of money at the mall, but where's the fun in that!? i now have two new missoni dresses hanging in my closet. thank you, global warming. 3. i'm going back to vegas for work the week of july 14th. i am going to win a million dollars at the blackjack tables this time, i swear. 4. but if i don't, i will drown my sorrows in good food and even better shopping. muahahaha. 5. i'm also planning on taking vacation soon. i'm leaning towards phoenix, although tom is convinced i will die within three seconds of being exposed to triple-digit heat. haha. he's probably right. 6. this friday is official work ditch day. who wants to join me!?!? agenda: sleeping in late. eating. catching up on my bills. calling every friend at work to talk about how awesome it is to NOT be at work on a friday. 7. there's a new johnny rockets in downtown LA. i hiked five blocks to meet tom there for lunch earlier this week (every five seconds i sent him a new text message: "wow, it's hot." "woooo, i'm tired!" "am i there yet?" "stupid heels are killing me." "how come i have to walk this far?" "seriously, legs are about to fall off." his one and only response: "whiner."). aside from almost passing out, it was GREAT. 2nd best turkey burgers i've have in my life - #1 still goes to the counter in santa monica. 8. dangit, i am running out of good things to talk about. oh yeah, while i was starbucks earlier, i managed to successfully squish a spider the size of a full-grown german shepherd. it was hauling ass along the wall towards me at 30 mph until i introduced it to the bottom of my flip flop. i was happy. the spider, not so much. 9. i saw my trainer today and i still have full use of my limbs. either he's given up on me or i'm actually getting stronger. um, i'm gonna go with the latter. 10. lastly, i'll leave you with a bad joke that still managed to make me laugh - this is dedicated to my old roommate melissa lee, who was queen of yo' mama jokes when we were at ucla: Yo Mama so fat when she crosses the street, cars look out for her! hahaha. admit it, you thought it was funny too. ok i need to grow up. have a fabulous week, kids. later, yo. p.s. for jack: i'm a movement by myself, but i'm a force when we're together! 9:39 PM 6/26/2008 man, june is not turning out to be a good month for me. i'm probably gonna get run over by a steamroller next week. and then somehow end up getting buried in a USC-themed casket (i swear, if any of you let that happen i will rise from the dead and haunt you for life). sigh. anyway, i dropped my car off at the BMW dealership in long beach this morning so they could fix my jacked up ipod connector. since i had a conf call at 9:30 and had to get over to honda for a meeting, i asked them to hook me up with a loaner. now, bmw is supposedly oh-so-luxurious and the guy who sold me my coupe promised me super duper VIP treatment for the next three years, which is why i literally spent the past 72 hours daydreaming about what kinda car i was gonna get to drive around for a day. i had my fingers crossed for an M3. or at least a five series. ok, basically anything BUT a one series and that hideous x6. sooooo......what did i end up with?  wow!!! an M5!!! OH WAIT. NOT THAT KIND OF M5. NOT THE BADASS, 500 HP M5 THAT COSTS ALMOST $100K. NOT THE M5 WITH THE 5.0 LITER V-10 ENGINE. NO, THAT WOULD BE TOO COOL. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE MAZDA 5.  with that happy note, i'm off to prep for my meetings tomorrow. also, i've managed to sucker lynn into donating blood with me on saturday (three gallon pin, here i come!). haha. i'm an idiot. i get pretty grossed out staring at my own blood but seeing lynn's is infinitely worse. i once took my mom and thought i was seriously going to pass out when i saw the needle go into her arm. ugh. just typing about it makes me want to cancel my appointment now. oh man i'm such a wuss. but in all seriousness, there's a pretty critical blood shortage right now, so please, please, please, go donate too! hey, if a complete pansy like me can do it, so can you (unless you have diseased blood - nobody wants that, ok? eww.)! later, kids. 11:25 PM 6/29/2008 AAAAAND the bad luck month continues. lynn and i attempted to donate blood yesterday morning at american red cross and failed miserably. lynn didn't even make it onto the chair because her hemoglobin level was too low. mine was just fine (all that consumption of red meat finally came in handy, ha!) but once the nurse stuck the needle in me, everything went downhill. my blood was coming out too slowly so all of a sudden i was surrounded by a bunch of other nurses trying to "adjust" the needle while it was still in my arm. it was excruciating. i bit my lip and looked the other way and tried to suck it up until my arm went numb. then the pain started again and i started feeling a little panicky. i felt like screaming, "LOOK, IF THE BLOOD AIN'T COMING OUT, IT AIN'T COMING OUT! DON'T FORCE IT! AND QUIT SQUEEZING MY ARM LIKE THAT, IT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER!!!!!!!!!" instead i sat there silently, trying not to hyperventilate and doing a really crappy job of hiding my fear of needles. finally i looked at the nurses and told them to give up and take the needle out. i didn't even care that i was being a gigantic pansy, i just wanted the pain to stop. i could tell they were bummed and i felt really bad. although not bad enough to encourage them to keep going, haha. so anyways, they managed to get about an eighth of a pint out of me, just enough so that I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 8 WEEKS TO ATTEMPT A DONATION AGAIN. that sucks because i'm pretty sure i'm gonna lose my nerve in eight weeks and never, ever go back again. ugh. will somebody come with me to hold my hand??? let's see, what else. um, i love hello kitty. and i love my gun. but i do NOT love hello kitty with a gun.   my melody! she's cute, but a little slow. lastly, a big shout out goes to hans, probably the only person who really sympathized with my mazda situation (side note: it's kinda scary when he and i occasionally manage to see eye to eye on an issue). a couple people have called me a snob, which i actually found quite offensive. i've said it before many times, and i'll say it again: there is nothing wrong with wanting and having nice things, provided that you've earned them in a fair and equitable manner and can afford to pay for them. i do NOT work a billion hours a year or pay $589.99 a month to drive a dumpy car around. and when i'm shelling out a decent amount of money for a decent car, i expect to be able to drive it without any significant malfunctions, at least during the first couple of years. i don't provide crappy service to my clients or EY, so why should i tolerate crappy service from anything i spend my hard-earned money on? | |||||||
Copyright 2006 Connie Cheng
