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	MARCH 07 11:42 PM 3/3/2007 six more weeks and i'll be done with busy season for the next two months. HALLELUJAH! before i continue on with this pointless post, i would like to quickly point out one of my bigger pet peeves when dealing with some people in the accounting industry. what's up with the dorks who sign their emails with "Joe Smith, CPA"?? that's stupid. especially if (1) you work for a big four firm, or (2) you're a tax manager (and up) at a fortune 500 company. of COURSE you're a CPA, what else would you be? from now on, i'm going to start signing my emails with something ridiculously obvious, like "Connie Cheng, Human." or "Connie Cheng, Princess of Power." how cool would that be? (btw, did anybody ever think it was grossly unfair that He-Man was called The Master of the Universe and She-Ra was only the Princess of Power? that is so lame in comparison.) anyways, the same thing goes for all the losers who insist on framing and displaying their diplomas and/or CPA certificates at work. although i guess if i went and spent $120K for a useless law degree from USC, i'd want to show off as much as possible too. in other news, ucla played washington state last thursday in men's basketball. ~~the deputy~~ sgt. **, being the king of all haters, was busy talking crap left and right about my alma mater and ended up betting me a new $500 gun that ucla would lose. in an attempt to be somewhat decent, i warned him about the odds beforehand ("c'mon, we're #2, and washington is #13!!") but he still took the bet. uh, definitely not one of his brighter moments. long story short, i will be adding gun #2 to my collection sometime in the next six months. i find it somewhat amusing that a guy who has managed to survive both a year in iraq and another year patrolling the streets of compton STILL can't win a bet against me to save his life (this is the third time i've won). his defense: "I'm baiting you...I'll let you win a bunch of small ones and then I'll take you for one big score." um...sure, buddy. so i was gloating about my victory today until i came to the realization that this is probably just another part of his ploy to get me to go over to the dark side. so if i start talking about joining the NRA soon, you guys have full permission to chain me to a tree up at berkeley for six months. in birkenstocks and a peace necklace. oh yeah, and a tie-dyed shirt too. all right, i'm out to do some more work. later everybody. :) 11:48 PM 3/6/2007 DANGIT, I DIDN'T WIN THE LOTTO TONIGHT! me and my coworkers bought $50 worth of mega million tickets today. we were SO SURE we were gonna get something this time around. yeah. tomorrow we'll take our $50 worth of tickets to the convenience store downstairs and get $2 back. to divide among 10 people. i mean, talk about a crappy return on investment. so what are we gonna do next week? yep, play again. man, i'm wasting precious starbucks money here. this better pay off soon, otherwise i'm gonna get cranky. and shut up, i know what my chances of winning are, i aced statistics in high school and college, all right? doesn't mean i can't be outrageously lucky. i even had this great list of what i was going to do with my share of the jackpot money (all $15M after taxes): 1. buy a new car. um, one for every year i've been alive. 2. buy some houses. 3. buy all the shoes/purses/clothes i could possibly want. 5. take my friends and family on an awesome vacation...every three months. 6. work less. duh. 7. oh yeah, feed the poor, clothe the homeless, support worthy causes, etc. 8. invest the rest so i can live off the interest for the remainder of my life. tragically, i'm probably never gonna get the chance to figure out how i'd really spend the money in real life. unless i win next week, of course. ooooh, i'm starting to feel lucky... 3:20 PM 3/11/2007 Happy 26th Birthday, Lynn!! so cute!! so last night was lynn's annual birthday/beer games party. everybody was a good sport and showed up in their respective team colors (red and blue) except for me and keri, who apparently didn't get the gangsta dress code memo in time. oops. anyways, my team won, no thanks to my pathetic contribution. i went over to check the scoreboard this morning and somebody actually finished 19 beers. um, i think my liver would explode if i ever attempted to do that. me and the midgets. would it kill my girlfriends to wear heels once in a while? or grow a couple of inches? jeez. me and keri left a little before midnight to finish up lynn's birthday surprise - i swear, this is the last year we're doing this. lynn's birthday is seriously one of the most time-consuming AND expensive events of the year. i actually think it might be worse than christmas. plus, it doesn't help that i'm still stuck in the middle of a seemingly never-ending busy season. it's a good thing i love this girl more than life, otherwise i would probably be a bit resentful. sorta like that time in college when i really should have been studying for finals but then somehow found myself attempting (quite stupidly, i might add) to finish off lynn's adios motherf** at century club instead. FYI, vodka + gin + rum + tequila + curacao + sour mix + splash of sprite + going home at four in the morning + finals week = bad idea. anyways, it's been a gorgeous weekend, and i'm glad i got to spend some of it doing fun things other than work. but speaking of work, i gotta get back to it so i can actually finish my stuff in time. i probably shouldn't have slacked off earlier this week when i was so sure i was gonna win the lotto. stupid mega millions, messing with my head. guess i better win this tuesday! have a fabulous week, everybody. i'll change the game for you.... (out of curiosity, who else out there thought the chorus went something like, "she's 5'2", but i want you?") 11:38 PM 3/20/2007 i watched 300 late friday night - it was freakin' awesome: Persians: "Spartans! Drop your weapons!" Spartans:** "Persians! COME AND GET THEM!" the one-liners gave me chills. that night i actually dreamt about fighting with a spear and screaming, "PREPARE FOR GLORY!!!!!" sometimes i think i should have been born a male. uh, and then i come to my senses when i remember how much damn fun it is to be a girl. so i worked sunday morning and then headed off to a charity event with a bunch of my female coworkers at the beverly hills hotel. i ended up donating way too much money to various philanthropic causes through my boutique purchases and silent auction bids. FYI, i'm planning on starting my own charity at the end of the month when i go completely broke - i'll call it the Save Connie From Having To File Chapter 13 Fund. feel free to send contributions to S.C.F.H.T.F.C.T.F. if you're feeling extra rich/generous. anyways, just when i thought i couldn't spend any more money, the raffle ticket girl started walking around. normally i'm not a huge fan of raffle tickets because i never win anything good (unless you count the time i won a toaster oven in fourth grade). but i felt bad for the poor girl who was selling them because i've been in her stilettos before and i know all too well how much it sucks when people don't buy your lousy raffle tickets. so, i bought five for $20 (SUCKER). sat down for a nice meal with champagne and watched the fashion show for maria bianca nero, where lots of hot models came strutting down the runway. everytime somebody in a cute dress came down the runway, my senior manager would point to one of us the table and exclaim, "that would look great on you!" then came the two gorgeous, shirtless male models - let me tell you, i've never heard grown women scream so loudly before. my senior manager turned around again, and in all seriousness, looked directly at me and said, "connie, now THAT would look great on you!" i would have laughed had i not been so busy drooling at the nice bodies. so we admired the dresses, and then it was raffle time. the first prize was a bottle of nice champagne, the second prize was a one-night stay at the beverly hills hotel and dinner at the polo lounge, and the third prize was a $2,100 platinum and diamond pendant from tiffany & co. i didn't really care for the first two, but when they were drawing for the third prize, i started chanting "connie cheng, connie cheng, connie cheng!" out loud. never underestimate the power of positive thinking, kids. as luck would have it, one of the hot male models was selected to draw from the basket of raffle tickets and read off the winner's name: "uh, and the necklace goes to....connie....cheng!" i inhaled sharply and then sat there in shocked, stupefied silence as my entire table erupted into screams. everybody was shouting different things at me - "get up! go get it!" "no, sit down! wait for him to bring it to you!" well, i'm not really a patient girl, so i eventually got up and walked halfway across the ballroom, where Mr. Hot Model himself handed me a little tiffany & co bag. i thought he was gonna shake my hand at first but then he put his arm on my shoulder, pulled me in close and kissed my cheek. it was around then that i almost went deaf from the screams and catcalls. i half walked, half stumbled (wasn't thinking about having to walk properly in front of an entire ballroom of women when i chose the 4" via spiga slingbacks that morning) back to my seat, where my coworkers were still cheering like crazy. my partner was the first to speak: "you should have asked the guy if he was part of the grand prize!!!" haha, because that's not a totally cheesy question or anything. anyways, for those of you who are curious, here's what i won: yeah, two grand for that - but what do you expect? it's tiffany! on an embarrassingly nerdy note, the first thing i said when i sat back down was "dude, do you think they're gonna issue me a 1099 for this??" however, even more nerdy was the fact that all the CPAs and tax attorneys at the table actually sat around and discussed it for a few minutes. after the shock wore off, we all went back upstairs to try on the designer dresses, which were offered to us at wholesale prices. i initally refused to try anything on but two seconds later, i was getting pulled into the makeshift ressing room by all my coworkers with a dress in my hand. a minute after that, i was buying it. hey, it was for charity, okay? and it was more than 50% off retail, so i only paid $160! ugh. you know how they make those nicoderm CQ patches for smokers? well, i need something similiar, but for shoppers. or i could just tattoo this month's amex bill to my hand and look at it everytime i feel compelled to drop a large sum of money on something i don't need. yumi, vanessa and i leaving the beverly hills hotel. don't we look awfully happy for being awfully broke? 3:39 PM 3/31/2007 maroon 5 is back! ugh. i'm in the middle of writing a memo for a tax provision i just finished reviewing but i'm so frustrated with work i could tear my eyeballs out with my bare hands. help. it took me a good twenty minutes to come up with the following: "Cumulative accretion into book income of the $XXX million fair-market value of the loss from the date of the derivatives redesignation through December 31, 2006 was approximately $XXX million. Given the facts, one would expect to see a deferred tax asset of approximately $XXX million relating to the Company's hedged instruments at December 31, 2006. However, the Company ~~fcked up~~ incorrectly computed its current-year calculation using prior year methodologies, thereby understating its DTA by ~~a whoppin'~~ XXX million. ~~Way to go, guys.~~ As the financials ~~need to be signed off in seventy-two hours or else we'll all be fired~~ are close to completion and the Controller is ~~a complete dick~~ hesitant to make any last minute balance sheet reclassifications, the adjustment will be pushed through as a debit to DTA and credit to current tax payable in Q1 of 2007." sometimes i wonder how fast i'd get fired if i actually dared to use the f word in a memo. it'd certainly be an amusing way to go. maybe next year... anyways, i've been really lame at updating lately because duh, it's busy season. flew to scottsdale for work last wednesday...checked into the fairmont scottsdale princess, where i got upgraded to a $750/night casita suite. it was, to put it mildly, beyond awesome. the resort itself was breathtaking. but i guess it would have to be, considering how the cheapest rooms start around $500 a night. i'm supposed to fly out to phoenix again sometime next week, and i'm tempted to book another room at the fairmont. however, attempting to run through another $700 in expenses for a one day trip would probably guarantee me a permanent spot on EY's expense review sht list. the best part was all the random bunnies hopping all over the grounds at night. so cute! i wanted to take some home as pets. unfortunately, they were all too fast and didn't take very kindly to me trying to scoop them up in my arms. this one looks sorta possessed, like a devil-bunny. all right, i hope you guys have a fabulous weekend. don't forget to root for my alma mater tonight - i'll be damned if ucla gets taken down again by florida again. go bruins!!!