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	MARCH '09 ARCHIVES 12:48 AM 3/12/2009 how much do i hate busy season? my dreams are once again filled with pivot tables and random schedules of companies' cumulative deferreds. the weird thing is that all of my clients' issues become infinitely more complex when i'm sleeping and i end up coming up with these crazy, four-dimensional solutions that manage to make perfect sense...until i wake up, that is. i can't even begin to define with a 4D tax planning strategy would be in real life. either i'm high on crack when i'm dreaming or i'm some super genius. i'm gonna go with the former. anyways, in celebration of this never-ending busy season, here is a list of things i like better than working 16 hour days: 1. sitting on a ten-hour airplane ride on day 2 of my period with only one regular wingless pad. 2. my great aunt's avocado smoothie. the only thing worse than the texture was the taste. 3. my $200 hairdryer, which is currently blowing out hot air AND a shower of sparks every two minutes. one day my head will literally catch on fire and then i will curse myself for being too cheap to buy a new hairdryer. but c'mon! i paid $200 for that thing, dammit. i'm gonna use it until it kills me. 4. my laptop, which takes a half hour to boot up in the morning. that's $350 @ 100% of standard that EY will never get to collect. muahahahha. 5. running. yes, finally there is something i hate more than running! i was gonna put "fake designer bags" up there too but then i decided that i detest those as much as i detest busy season. while i am on the subject of busy season, i am thinking about handing my individual tax return to H&R block because i just don't have the time to do my own stinking 1040. i can't tell you how much it sucks to be up late the night of the 14th working on your own crap. can you imagine how the conversation would go if i actually did pay 'em to do my return? "of course we'd be happy to assist you with your tax return! so what do you do for a living?" "um, i'm a CPA. but i don't do little people stuff, i leave that to the wannabe accountats. kidding, kidding! augh, don't burn my W-2!" on second thought, i will probably do my return myself. at three in morning the day of the 15th. or i guess i could file an extension, since i have so much free time during the rest of the year as well. stand by while i sob. last but certainly not least, today is lynn's birthday. well technically i guess it was yesterday, since it's now after midnight. happy birthday, darling. thanks for being the bestest bad influence a girl could ask for. :) 1:09 AM 3/24/2009 argh, the delinquent updater is back. this is my second post in march (sad). it's been a busy past couple of weeks, filled with an insane amount of work and not much else. well, i take that back. erin's shower and lynn's birthday party were last weekend. one was a lovely affair complete with the best tasting scones in the world and the other one was a bit more lively, with lots and lots of guiness and irish car bombs. i'll let you guess which one was which. umm, what else...i didn't go into the office today because i had to take my car in for maintenance at south bay BMW. i was all excited because lynn told me beforehand that there would probably be free donuts involved. i mean, if toyota hooks customers up with complimentary breakfast in the waiting area, can you imagine what bmw must have? i had my fingers crossed for custom-made omelettes or maybe french crepes filled with nutella and fresh strawberries. yeah, no. they had absolutely NOTHING. i was all looking around for the donuts and finally i texted lynn in frustration: "there are no free donuts. woe is me!!" lynn told me to go next door to the cadillac dealership to see if they had something better, haha. in retrospect, i guess i shouldn't have been surprised, considering how the last time i took my car in for service i got stuck driving around a stylin' mazda 5 for two long days. lame. on a random side note, as i was sitting in the lobby and trying not to throw a temper tantrum from the lack of free donuts, i ran into brian chung. i mean, captain chung. he was getting his M3 washed - apparently the US army pays its employees better than i thought. anyway, he brought up our 10th year reunion and i said i would think about it. i know i am technically supposed to go, if only to collect on my 10 year bet with matt. muahahahaha. easiest victory ever. in other news, i was a bit stressed from work last week and decided to go buy a new black suit since i managed to tear a hole in the upper right thigh of an old one (this is why one should avoid the limited at all costs). fourteen thousand fiascos later, i finally found a burberry one i liked. had i not been so grumpy from stress, i probably would have passed on it for a cheaper one from theory. good thing i wasn't in a happy mood, because i now have a really, really sweet suit that makes all the other ones in my closet look kinda lame. i guess now the only solution is to spend all my life savings and buy other really nice suits. they'll come in handy when i apply for my walmart greeter job in a few months after this tax madness burns me out. i also spent over $100 tonight on a new showerhead and super deluxe shower caddy. both looked totally easy to assemble but OMG, it was like a scene from home improvement. the manual for the shower caddy was about 100 pages long and the box had a million little pieces, none of which seemed to match the dumb diagrams in the instructions. i ended up with a nice metal splinter in my fourth finger, which was pleasant, to say the least. i eventually got it out with my tweezermans but by then i was two seconds away from going on a rampage to end all rampages. my dad eventually had to come save me from throwing myself off the roof. i am pathetic. i blame that on busy season as well. all right, i gotta sleep. hope everybody out there is doing well. i'll try to update a little more frequently in a little bit. also, for all the people whose emails/voicemails i've been blowing off, sorry. give me three more weeks. xoxoxo. up next: skydiving at the bacholerette party. YAY! 10:47 PM 3/30/2009 two weeks 'til april 15th. i don't even want to think about how much crap i have to finish before then, so i'm going to tell a joke: this pirate walks into a bar, and he's got the steering wheel from his ship attached to his pants. the bar wench says, "hey, you got a steering wheel attached to your pants," and the pirate replies, "ARRRRRR, I know, and it's driving me nuts!" hahaha. get it? "driving me nuts!" i love third grade humor. anyways, on a pathetic note, i went to a client meeting at lions gate this afternoon and the tax director there thought i was pregnant. his exact words were, "oh, so are congratulations in due??" i was so confused for about five seconds. then i was mortified. lynn was like, "were you rubbing your belly?" yeah, because i do that all the time. if that isn't a sign to STOP EATING FOR SIX MONTHS STRAIGHT, then i don't know what is. so i kinda laughed it off, like, "noo, not yet!" but inside i was thinking, "WTF? just how unflattering is this suit, anyways?" i am going to wear head to toe black every single day for the rest of my life. and with that depressing note, i am going to go do some crunches before more people start asking what trimester i'm in. haha. wah. later, kids. for the latest picture of me, please see below. OF BEING CALLED PREGNANT.